


Unexpected Development

by ascatman



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fingering, M/M, Masturbation, cybering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-07
Updated: 2012-10-07
Packaged: 2017-11-15 20:34:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/531413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ascatman/pseuds/ascatman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tavros tries unsuccessfully to troll Dave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unexpected Development

**Author's Note:**

> A literate "reads like a fanfiction" RP between Kitty and Terry.

\-- adiosToreador [AT] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \-- 

AT: oKAY, tHAT'S IT,  
AT: pREPARE YOURSELF,  
AT: bECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE TROLLED,  
AT: aND THIS TIME I WON'T HOLD BACK,  
AT: aRE YOU READY FOR THESE, uHH, mAD RHYMES,  
TG: oh hey bro  
TG: couldn't keep me blocked for long huh  
TG: going through mad withdrawals and craving the strider dick am i right well son im sorry to say ive met another man  
TG: nah im just kidding john means nothing youre the only husband for me  
TG: lets hear these ill rhymes of yours dont hold back on my account  
AT: uHH, yEAH, tHE RHYMES,  
AT: i REALLY WISH YOU WOULDN'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT,  
AT: i DON'T UNDERSTAND,  
AT: mAYBE i JUST DON'T GET YOUR HUMAN CONCEPT OF HUMOR,  
AT: oR IRONY, oR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT,  
TG: this is not irony  
TG: this is commitment of the highest level  
TG: and you really need to be around more because i cant plan the reception on my own ok  
TG: i mean i am seriously distraught over the centerpiece colors  
TG: what is your opinion on the matter  
AT: i, uHH,  
AT: ,,,,,  
AT: cAN WE, uH, mAYBE NOT DO THIS,  
AT: mAYBE i SHOULD JUST GO,  
AT: ,,,  
AT: oH MY GOD,  
AT: yEAH, tHAT, uHH, sEEMS LIKE THE, uH, tHE BEST THING TO DO RIGHT NOW,  
TG: oh i see  
TG: youre uptight over this whole thing  
TG: getting all stressed over the dress style and invitation fonts  
TG: well hell ive got the cure for that right here  
TG: dave strider's patented blow job and prostate massage, guaranteed to relieve you of any stresses or anxieties  
TG: i was going to save it for the honeymoon but you obviously need it  
AT: yOU, uHH, yOU WANT TO,,,  
AT: uHH,  
AT: wELL,  
AT: ,,,,,,  
AT: tHAT'D BE, uHH, oH GOD,  
AT: yOU'RE KIND OF MAKING ME,  
AT: a LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE,  
  
Tavros is more than a little uncomfortable, in fact his bulge is currently writhing around in his pants like crazy, begging to be set free and touched. A dark blush spreads across his cheeks, he was certainly not expecting this to happen upon starting a conversation with Dave, though he really isn't too surprised by it. Lately it seems he can't even think about the human without his bulge starting to writhe.  
  
TG: see this is what i mean dude  
TG: you need to just relax  
TG: i mean its a nice bed ive got here but i think itll look a lot better with you on it  
TG: so just lay back and let strider work his magic what do you say  
AT: aRE YOU,  
AT: uHH,  
AT: bEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW,  
AT: i,,,  
AT: ,,,,,,,,,  
AT: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,  
AT: oKAY,  
TG: thats the spirit!  
TG: i dont know if you guys actually ejaculate or not with those freaky tentacles of yours but i assure you my mouth will elicit an equally pleasurable reaction from your cthulu-esque wang  
TG: now take off your pants and lay back so i may do my thing  
TG: “thing” being blowing your mind and dick completely away  
AT: i, uH, oKAY,  


  
Tavros really doesn't understand exactly what's going on here, and he still isn't entirely convinced that Dave isn't just trying to troll him or something, but he's roleplayed before, he loves roleplaying in fact. Maybe Dave is attempting to initiate a roleplay with him. Well Tavros could certainly play along with that. Especially if it meant that the human might not be kidding about wanting to do these things with him. He really hopes he's not kidding.  
  
AT: i AM NOW LAYING BACK ON YOUR BED,  
AT: rEADY TO, BE, uHH,  
AT: bLOWN AWAY,  
TG: good, good  
TG: now im kissing tenderly up your paraplegic legs because that shit is super romantic and it shows that i love you just the way you are  
TG: and now im licking up your wang super slow and its so delicious i just cant resist taking it in my mouth  
TG: i swear to god its like fucking candy how do you resist deep-throating yourself every single day  
TG: i know i would  
AT: oH GOD,  
AT: tHIS IS ALL JUST MOVING SO FAST,  
AT: uHH, i REACH DOWN AND,  
AT: tANGLE MY FINGERS IN YOUR HAIR,  
AT: aND, uH, mOAN YOUR NAME,  
AT: iF i COULD MOVE THE LOWER HALF OF MY BODY i WOULD BE, uHH, tHRUSTING MY HIPS UP RIGHT NOW,  
  
Tavros bites his lower lip as the brown flush of his cheeks grows darker and darker with each second, and he finds himself slowly reaching his hands down to undo his pants and pull out his bulge. He gives it a few careful strokes, imagining it was Dave's mouth. He lets out a shuddering gasp as his appendage curls around his fingers, coating them with a small amount of his genetic material, and wonders if Dave is doing the same thing right now.  
  
TG: now im carefully pushing a finger into my lovely husbands tight ass while sucking you off  
TG: and then i reach down beside the bed and start groping around in your bucket  
TG: yeah you like that you little slut  
TG: take it  
  
Tavros slips his pants off and props his legs up enough that he can gently press a finger against his nook, or “ass” as humans seem to refer to it, god what a strange name for that. Tavros gives a little whine as he pushes his finger inside, he's never even thought of trying this before, but he wants to experience everything Dave is describing, so he keeps going, stroking his bulge and thrusting slowly in and out of his nook.  
  
AT: oH GOD, dAVE,  
AT: tHIS IS,  
AT: i'VE NEVER,  
AT: nEVER DONE THIS BEFORE,  
AT: i, uHH, wOW, i DIDN'T KNOW THIS COULD FEEL SO GOOD,  
  
Dave frowns and pushes his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. If he didn't know any better, he'd think that Tavros had missed the irony and was actually getting off right now.  
Thank god Dave knows better. Tavros is just really good at this stuff—pretty impressive for a beginner.  
He tries not to listen to the part of his mind that tells him there's no way a troll is this good at being ironic.  
  
TG: hey man hold up for a second can i just ask a brother a question  
TG: youre not actually getting off on this are you  
TG: i mean youre in this for the irony right  
AT: ,,,,,  
AT: wHAT,  
  
Tavros pauses and just stares at his screen for a moment, rereading Dave's response a few times as if trying to find a joke that wasn't there. Was Dave really just messing around this whole time? ...Oh.  
  
AT: i, uHH,,,  
AT: wOW, i FEEL REALLY DUMB RIGHT NOW,  
AT: i, uH, i REALLY THINK i SHOULD GO,  
AT: aND WE SHOULD PROBABLY NEVER SPEAK AGAIN,  
TG: …  
TG: hang on a second  
TG: so youre telling me that youre really bad at irony is that what youre saying  
TG: well in that case listen up so i can teach you the finer points  
TG: right now i am taking out my dick  
TG: ironically  
TG: and i am touching it while thinking of you  
TG: ironically  
  
Dave really should have known, because trolls never understand his sense of irony, especially not Tavros. But he's not angry at all, nor is he disgusted. Rather, he has a small feeling of pride—what thirteen-year-old boy wouldn't upon finding out that someone they're mildly attracted to is masturbating while thinking of them? He's not opposed to finishing this up with Tavros—he just hope the guy doesn't back out due to his tiny self-esteem, because Dave's dick is already pretty damn hard and he doesn't want to finish by himself.  
  
AT: i, uHH, i DON'T,,,  
  
Tavros bites his lip, scraping his sharp teeth along his flesh contemplatively. Is Dave really serious this time? He figures at this point he doesn't have much to lose.  
  
AT: tHEN i'M, uH, tOUCHING MY BULGE,  
AT: iRONICALLY,  
AT: aND i'M MAYBE,  
AT: wISHING YOU WERE THE ONE DOING IT,  
AT: uHH,,,  
AT: iRONICALLY,  
TG: good see youre getting the hang of it  
TG: now im just going pretty fast and im getting short of breath as i imagine your mouth on my awesome dick  
TG: and im gasping in pain because damn your teeth are sharp and holy shit thats kind of a turn on so i thrust my hips up  
  
Dave is having fun with this now (ironically, of course) and he's just writing whatever arousing thoughts come to mind as he jerks himself off. He's getting close already and he's having trouble typing. A trickle of sweat runs down his forehead and he lets out a quiet moan that sounds suspiciously like Tavros' name.  
  
AT: oH GOD, dAVE,  
AT: uHH, i'M,  
AT: i'M PUSHING MY FINGER IN AND OUT OF MY NOOK AND, uH,  
AT: oH, iT FEELS SO AWESOME,  
AT: pLEASE GO FASTER, dAVE,  
AT: i'M NOT GOING TO LAST MUCH LONGER,  
  
Tavros gasps and gives a small whine as he jerks and fucks himself at the same time. He's so close, he wishes it didn't have to end, wishes Dave could actually be there doing all this to him for real. He supposes he'll have to settle for pretending for now, maybe one day in the future they could meet in person. He clings to that small hope as he speeds up his movements.  
  
TG: okay okay i just  
TG: oh  
TG: oh  
TG: im uh im done  
TG: but im sucking your wang now okay  
TG: like for serious i am going down so hard on that shit like no motherfucker ever has  
TG: its the best blow job in the world fortified with extra self-esteem and irony and its all for you so take it dude  
  
Tavros says nothing in response, his hands are far too busy to type. He speeds up, goes as fast as he can and leans his head back, shutting his eyes and pretending that his hands were Dave. He lets out a sharp cry and releases, spilling his genetic material all over his hand. He takes a few deep breaths, slowly pulls his finger out of his nook, and swallows hard, he cannot believe they just did that.  
  
AT: i CANNOT BELIEVE WE JUST DID THAT,  
AT: i, uHH,,,  
AT: tHANKS,  
AT: tHANK YOU, dAVE,  
TG: no problem man  
TG: i wouldn't be opposed to repeating this encounter in the future  
TG: for purely ironic purposes of course  
AT: yES, i'D LIKE THAT,  
AT: a LOT,  
AT: i REALLY NEED TO, uH, gO CLEAN UP,  
AT: i'LL TALK TO YOU,  
AT: mAYBE TOMORROW,  
TG: im on every day man just hit me up  
TG: ill see you later handicapable dude  
TG: think about what i said ok  
TG: about the centerpieces  
  
– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]\-- 


End file.
